Why Do You Want Kids?

Is it ok to not have a remote desire to have children? It's not like I'm thinking about this because I'm debating right now in my life whether or not I want to have kids. Lately it's been on my mind quite a bit, more on a philosophical level than anything. I have this acquaintance I went to grad school with who's on my Gchat, who besides is so left leaning she makes me look conservative, posts rants in her status about the immorality of having children. I don't necessarily think it's unethical or immoral. Having children, in my opinion, is a natural right to any living being. It's unethical and immoral when people who are unfit to be parents do have children and burden not only their children's lives, but society at large. This phenomenon of giving so little thought to having children caused me, in turn, to think about why that is. That is, why do people give so little thought to having children and so much credit to it being the next natural stage in life? Is it assumed at some point in your life, you will want to be a mother? A father? What if there are people who never feel that desire? Scratch the 'what if', there are people like that, as evidenced by the comments in this article. I guess the question should be, why is the choice to not have children stigmatized or seen as deviating from the norm? Is having children really the norm? I don't push people who give good reasons to want to have kids. Even having the genuine desire to be a mother, a father, is a good enough reason to me. But I don't think everyone does have that desire. Why aren't we more critical when we ask ourselves, why do I want kids? Do I really want to participate in parenthood? Do I really love children? Or am I doing it because it's the "natural", unquestionable next stage in my life?

I asked myself those questions. At this point in my life, I couldn't find a justifiable answer to that question. To me, I have to find an answer that is bigger than me. Bigger than simply wanting to make a child with my lover, or have my genes carried on. What is parenthood about? At its core, isn't it about selflessly providing for, nurturing, giving the utmost care and love to another life on this planet? There are plenty of existing ones to choose from. Lives, that is. A full, breathing life, whether by chance or regret or whatever else it was, was brought into this world and needing this love, nurture, and selflessness much more than a visage of a life that at this point, is characterized by a sperm and an egg in two people's bodies. Adoption.

This passage really spoke to me when I read it in aforementioned article.

"...no one ever said to me, "Thank you. Thank you for giving the biggest possible gift to the planet by not having a child—bigger than any other act— not owning a car or not flying." No one ever gives people without children any credit."

Hm. Maybe not having...is an ultimate act of selflessness. I sure do feel that way when I see a mom toting around a stroller and four toddlers, two of which are screaming and one is running around without their shoes on. That sounds arrogantly apoplectic, but I am unapologetic. I may sound utterly unlovable towards kids, but quite the contrary. I quite like kids. When I hold a baby, I feel this indescribable warmth in my heart that suddenly turns my body into a cocoon, a desire to protect that helpless thing I am carrying in my arms. So yes, I like kids. I just...haven't found a reason to want my own biological ones, neither on a hypothetical or fundamental level.

If I pass my "fertile" period as a female, aka 20-late 30s without having children, will I regret it? Though I haven't entirely passed through this period yet, I have to say, regret what? Regret not bringing another life into this world? Regret that there wouldn't be another little someone with a bit of me in it? I can't say I do...or would...

I can't say my perspective on this is definitive. Maybe one day, for whatever reason, my selfish desire to procreate will overcome my personal principle of not having children for the sake of having children. It would have to be a really stupendous, life altering reason...one that I have not an inkling of right now.