Work Life Balance: Still a Very REAL Dilemma for us Ladies

This Linkedin post by entrepreneur Inge Geerdens really irked me when I read it the other day. Basically she expresses a mild level of exasperation in having to field questions from people about balancing her work and home life that her male counterparts don't have to deal with. As she states,

"Being a female entrepreneur has its upsides, but also its disadvantages. Like having to find an answer to the question I - contrary to my male colleagues ? - get asked a lot. “As a mother of three children, how do you balance your work and your private life?”"

Um, hello, Ms Geerdens? In case you didn't notice, this is a very real issue that characterizes the very being of working mothers. People wouldn't be asking these questions and highlighting this imbalance if it didn't exist. She goes on to reveal the true reason that having to balance work and home life has never been an issue for her:

"At some point in our life my husband and I had the feeling we weren’t around enough for our children and we had to make a choice. And we did: we decided I would expand my business, while my husband became a stay-at-home dad helping me as well, but mainly during school hours...My husband and I make a great team. We found a way to live the life we love, without feeling guilty. So the answer is: I never have to think about a balance. I work with the people I like, I live with the people I love and I love the job I do."

Is this a footnote? An asterisk? No, it defines - and is the sole and key reason - her situation and experience are unlike that of other ambitious, family-loving women. And she inserted it in there breezily, giving it a lot less credit than it deserved for why she was able to have the "great life" any right-minded, hard-working woman would want. Her post would have been tons more helpful if she described how she was able to snag a man like that. Sadly her experience reinforced the fact that to make it to the upper echelons of the corporate world, there have to be career sacrifices made by one party of the relationship if children are in the picture. More often than not, that ends up being the mother.

Unfortunately Ms Geerdens, you are the exception, and not the rule.

The Problem I Have with Girls

Ew. This article reminds me of that scary show Toddlers and Tiaras. This LITTLE girl Thylane Lena-Rose Blondeau is only 10 and she looks like she's 25. Why does she have to look like that? Her face is so caked with makeup she looks like a freaking porcelain doll, aka FAKE. I despise these hypocritical magazines. Besides the fact that you pay 4.99 to flip through what is basically a book of ads (which I realized much too slowly on a recent flight), on one hand they print articles telling girls they should have self-confidence, that they are beautiful and should be comfortable in their own skin. Then that article is immediately followed by size 00 models half-naked and sprawled over equally scantily-clad men. Hypersexified, overdone, and just plain out of touch with reality. Unless you have a heaven-blessed metabolism or spend hours upon hours working out and always watching what you eat (which is what models and celebrities do because this is what they are paid for) you're not going to fit into 00 pants.

The problem is that this image has become the aesthetic standard by which we judge our girls' attractiveness. Why else would skinny always be in? This is putting aside whatever personal preferences people have towards weight--maybe you are an exception who prefers to look a little plumper (if you are a woman) or prefers a girl on the cushier side (if you are a man). But OVERALL, the skinny girl will usually win out when it comes judgments and perceptions of beauty. Parents do not help either. I am thoroughly exasperated whenever I am in a nail salon and a mom takes her 5 year-old-daughter to get her nails done. At age 5 your little girl should be running outside breathing in fresh air and making necklaces out of dandelions, not in a cramped, fluorescent-lit, chemical fume-filled place getting her toes polished.

I've had a debate with some friends (GUYS, Asian guys) over this very topic. I think image issues are something every girl deals with, regardless of your ethnicity. They were saying it's mostly a WHITE girl thing, because it's in that strata of society that is most exposed to the pressures of idealized standards of beauty, whether it comes from the media, family, men, or social norms. I think it's just a girl thing, even if the types of issues may be different between whites and non-whites.

If I ever have kids I hope I don't have a girl, if only for this reason. The world has become too difficult and cruel a place to raise a well-adjusted, well-balanced female.

Chemically imbalanced--hair, makeup, and hormones.

She Said What?

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/the-funny-thing-about-the-slutwalk-feminism/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+ThoughtCatalog+%28Thought+Catalog%29

This makes me really mad. Mad as in I am about to go Incredible Hulk. What disappoints me even more is that the piece was written by a woman. If women cannot even stand as one to fight for their entitlements, then what hope do we have? That's the inherent problem with women--it's so much easier to turn against one another than to find ways to relate to each other. I still can't decide if it's structural or innate. Ok, but that's for another post.

The mentality exemplified in this piece is exactly what is wrong with our society, our patriarchal, misogynistic, un-progressive, imbalanced society. It makes me so mad whenever people say that women are to blame for the way they dress. That they were asking for uninvited behavior when they decided to wear revealing clothing. Are they idiots? It completely displaces the blame onto the victims and affirms the admissibility of disgusting, slimy behavior--from cat-calling to rape. You cannot characterize a rapist as someone who was compelled to act due to external circumstances. Even the lowest life form knows it is morally reprehensible to cause harm to someone else. Perpetrators are completely guilty for what they have done. Do not try to tell me the woman deserved to be assaulted because of the way she dressed. Well, continue this line of argument and why don't we just completely absolve the perpetrators of all wrongdoing? Women certainly do not think, oh, I wonder if wearing this will get me attacked, when they are looking through their wardrobe and trying to decide what to wear. Women dress the way they do for a number of reasons, and none of them entail inviting harm to themselves. I can't list all of the reasons because every woman is different, but I can say that I absolutely always dress the way I do because it brings me confidence, it fits the social setting, and because sometimes I just want to look damn hot. None of those reasons remotely ask for a male to hit on me.

In a way I am continuing the fallacies of the argument in the piece above, because most slutty dressing does not lead to outcomes as severe as rape. I don't have the exact figures but I'm pretty sure most rape crimes are caused by someone a woman already knows and less so by complete strangers. Women may get a cat call and a creepy look. And I am not saying that women should not expect that when they dress revealingly. It will happen. But there are those minor annoyances that can be dealt with, and the more serious behavior; for example, groping or inappropriate touching. And really, what I take issue with is people saying, well if you do not want that attention you should not dress that way. Well, fuck you. I should be able to dress the way I want and not out of consideration of how people will respond. Men don't have to, why should I? I shouldn't have to, and saying I have to ignores where the change in attitude should really take place.

What do women get from "protecting" themselves by changing the way they dress? A society that will never see the unforgivability of discriminatory treatment of men and women. A society that condones assaults on women and questions the reasons for such behavior when it should be crystal clear. This post reminded me of a radio piece I heard recently where a New York Times reporter got into some hot water because readers thought he had portrayed the gang rape of an 11-year-old girl in Cleveland, Texas, quite unsympathetically, even laying partial blame on the way she dressed and implying that the victim had caused the crime unto herself. Besides the fact that she is 11 and does not have an inkling of thought as to how vulnerable she was, the other thing with bringing the way she dressed into the equation is that it demonstrates how we as a society assume that if only women changed one little physical thing about themselves, that things would be ok. The problem is definitely structural and a lot more embedded than we would like to think. It's going to take a lot more change than trading in a short skirt for pants to change the way people think about gender relations.

Women should not have to live in fear for their safety and make unnecessary choices based on that. Men don't have to worry about whether their appearance will elicit unwanted behavior, why should women? The hope for a progressive society is to move in a direction that allows both sexes to become increasingly liberated, to live the lives they so freely choose as long as it doesn't harm others.

This Thought Catalog post? Opposite direction.

Dance Dance Dance

I just downloaded Far East Movement's album and part of Chris Brown's latest F.A.M.E. Yes, I know I am always riding the end of the trend wave since these albums came out eons ago, according to the time frame pop culture sets for itself. But I think it's impressive I keep up at all considering my head is buried in school most of the time.

Initial reactions: Justin Bieber's voice is changing. But it actually sounds good. That vocal coach must be amazing. And why are all but one of FEM's songs a collaboration? I hope they break out as a true standalone musical group for their next production.


Omg. I love Keri Hilson. She is so gorgeous. And so underrated.

Men, Princess Culture, and the Sexualization of Young Girls—And in Honor of International Women's Day!

From The Good Men Project Magazine:
Men, princess culture, and the sexualization of young girls — The Good Men Project Magazine

Spot on argument. It's not just men who do it (but I understand the male-driven point of view coming from a publication made for dads), but moms. Oftentimes moms can be WORSE. Stage moms, hello? Have you ever seen those specials on cable about child pageants? It sends shivers down my spine, to see little girls parading around in pancake makeup, sparkly dresses, mini heels, and curls wound tighter than a doll's.

Little girls of the world, you don't need a princess dress or a Barbie to affirm yourselves. I believe in your inherent beauty, and I also believe in your intelligence, capability, and potential. You are our precious gems, and so you shine enough on your own without all that excess (and fake) glitter.

I can't even put forth words after watching this. It's like a horrifying reminder of everything that is wrong and sick with the world right now.

http://thelede.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/12/15/flogging-video-sparks-protest-in-sudan

What a privilege we have here to protest things we disagree with when that very simple action we take for granted is not even accorded to someone else in another part of the world simply because of their gender.