Facebook's Response to Google+?

Google was like, ha, Facebook! We're going to get some social networking competition up in here.
*Google introduces Google+*
Then Facebook goes, BOOYA, Google! Watch this. We're going to SHUT. YOU. UP.




I just read this Time article about the upcoming nth wave of changes Facebook is making to its site. Ok, so I know I'm kind of a Facebook whore in that I keep the page open right next to my email whenever I'm online. These changes are crazy. I don't mean bad crazy or good crazy, but if I were to use an analogy it's like Facebook is trying to make the internet revolve around it. I guess if I could draw a picture it would be Facebook in the middle, with all these nodes coming out of it connected to other parts of the world wide web.

I don't really like the idea of "frictionless" sharing. I like friction. There has to be something to stop me from knowing when this friend of a friend is going to bed for the night or is tired from work or is getting cramps from her period (yes, I have seen that one multiple times), or when so-and-so is using that stupid check-in app at McDonald's and just became mayor of blah blah blah (thank you, Foursquare. I like you almost as much as all those requests I used to get to play Farmville). Don't get me wrong, I like sharing. But please share interesting things, like insightful articles or things that will make me laugh. I'm ok with some integration. I integrate my Twitter and Yelp accounts with Facebook, which I think are kind of cool because I don't have to double-post articles I want to share. But the other day I linked my Spotify account with my Facebook account to see what it would do, and Facebook started posting each song I was listening to in real-time. That got a little too invasive. This is an example of the part in that video up above when it says when you link certain apps to your Facebook account, the system will automatically update your profile with your activity. Look at me, I'm cooking! I'm running! I'm watering my plants! I'm having sex!

I used to be ok with being kind of personal with my status updates, because I didn't feel that by doing that the whole world would know. But for me now, it's gotten to the point where I don't really feel like sharing anything personal on Facebook. Maybe I won't be careful enough with my filters and I'll share information or pictures I don't want certain people to see. And it's not so simple to just click and make some changes so some people will see while others won't. Besides, having to custom-create all these settings is pretty annoying.

For a short while I was entertaining the thought of moving my social networking over to Google+ because I liked the idea of circles. This made it a lot easier for me to post things I wanted some people to see, but not others, because much like real life, you don't act the same way with your co-workers as you do with your best friends. But I didn't because it would have been too much of a hassle to find everyone on the Google+ network, essentially re-add them, move my pictures over, and basically start from scratch. Now I'm thinking, if it was hard then, imagine now, when Facebook is rolling out a platform that may integrate every aspect of your life, virtual and physical, into its network. It's like a huge black hole that is setting out to capture every action you take (and if you're not careful, announce it to the rest of the world). Don't be surprised if you wake up one day and you can't tell if you're in the virtual or real world.

I think I liked Facebook best sometime when it rolled out its 'Like' button and still served as a useful tool for me to keep in contact with people while occasionally seeing what other people who I hadn't talked to in a while were up to. I will try this 'Timeline' thingamabob for a while. If it becomes too difficult to manage, or if I find it's taking more time for me to improve my online persona than myself as a real person, it may be time to go off the grid, so to speak.

Ta Da

I donated my hair to Locks of Love today. The stylist (who was gorgeous) tried using a pair of plain vanilla scissors to cut off my ponytail, but it was too thick. I almost burst out laughing when she pulled out an electric shaver. She told the new stylist shadowing her, 'in cases like this...you need the weed whacker.' Hahahaha. I was pretty proud of myself.

I kind of regretted not taking a before and after picture with my 10-inch nappy hair, but oh well. Hair grows back. Now it's so bouncy and I feel like shaking my head back and forth all day.

Toss toss toss.

I can't wash it for three days though. I'm sure by the end of the third day it'll be really gross and stuck to my head. I can't really sweat either, so that means no running or yoga. Blah.

The Incredible Shrinking Middle Class and Lost Gen-Ys

 

I saw these pictures on my FB newsfeed by two different friends.
 
I finished reading Robert Reich's Aftershock. The main issue he addresses in this book has been on my mind lately, as I watch what's been happening politically and economically in this country. It's a good read that provides an overlooked perspective on why the American economy sucks right now. I'm going to do the book a disservice by giving this overly simple summary, but basically the gist of the argument is that this economic mess was not created by Americans living beyond their means because they had unbridled access to credit (this part I might partially have to disagree with), but because of the widening socioeconomic inequality that has been going on in this country for the past few decades. For the average American worker, wages have increased little, even flatlining, while productivity in the workplace has increased due largely to improvements in technology. Increased productivity benefits CEOs and the companies they run, but not necessarily American workers for the reason stated above. In order to fulfill higher costs of living and counter stagnant wages, Americans spend more time working. Unchanging wages+higher costs of living=Americans saving less to buy a middle class lifestyle. Credit plays a role in this by making things seem more affordable and by creating an illusion of wealth. In 2008 when housing prices began to first level out, then decline, many Americans came to realize they were screwed because families had refinanced their homes in order to gain access to more credit. So now not only did they have mortgage debt, they had consumer debt. And for many people, the most valuable asset--their house--was now worth much, much less. But this entire dynamic is a symptom of the true root of our economic problems, and not the cause. The cause is a set of policies that have come to favor the rich while ignoring, even putting the middle and lower classes, at an economic disadvantage.

We seem to be a society favoring patterns of divergence, and by that I mean not only has our political system come under stress from two increasingly divided ideological camps that have less and less to agree on, our society is splitting off into two groups of haves and have-nots. We resemble an hourglass--the rich people at the top are becoming richer, the poor people at the bottom becoming poorer, and the middle class moving into one of these two categories. Unfortunately, moving downward seems to be a more likely scenario.

The American dream is a joke. I'm very disturbed to see how increasingly difficult it has become for people to make a decent living in this country. We work longer hours, but more and more people hate their jobs. It's almost an anomaly nowadays to find someone who can tolerate their job, let alone like it. We are an anti-middle class country. Look at all this backlash against the public sector and unions. Unions are organizations that are supposed to provide protection to the average working man, yet we allow politicians to dismantle them. Private sector employees shouldn't be looking at the public sector and complaining that people in this sector have overly robust benefits. The private sector should be demanding these types of benefits. We can't have what they have, so they shouldn't have it? Politicians are trying to eliminate social programs where the middle class are the largest group of recipients and prolonging regressive tax policies, like the estate tax, which benefit wealthy Americans. (Reich) Big companies like Procter and Gamble are beginning to develop products and marketing strategies aimed at the upper class because it realizes the middle class--traditionally the most voracious consumers of their products--cannot afford to spend anymore. I'm not lying. This was published in a Wall Street Journal special report, which I didn't read because I would have had to pay for it.

Doesn't this make you shake your head? I think it's wrong to think that as long as you're doing ok then you shouldn't be discontent. It's very dangerous to live in an inequitable society. Countries with high levels of inequality are often the most unstable and violent. This is not about altruism. Even thinking about it in the most self-interested terms, you can't enjoy your own wealth when you're constantly fearful about the angry poor. They will break down your doors, revolt, and cause massive instability. So even if you don't care about the have-nots--maybe you even feel they deserve to be where they are--be discontent. Be discontent that you live in a society where the poor are severely disenfranchised and downtrodden, and the rich live unflinchingly, unsympathetically, in their own little champagne and yacht-filled bubble. If you are the only one well off, then what does it matter? 

It's tough to be optimistic, living in a society like this. I try to tell myself it's not hard to be happy, but I guess you can only be happy if your own situation is good and you ignore much of whatever else is going on around you. I'm worried for my generation. We're lost on so many levels, and I think in the long run this economic downturn is going to hit us most adversely. When the debt piles up to a point where we can't not pay it back anymore. When we won't be able to access the sad safety net we call Social Security because we spent our tax dollars paying for the Baby Boomer generation to use it and have nothing left for ourselves. When living with our parents is no longer an option and we're dissatisfied with where we are in life, thinking we would be much bigger than what we've become.

I don't really know what the fix-all to all this is. There probably isn't one. But I can't stop thinking about it.

Halloween: Not My Favorite Holiday

I was taking an evening walk in my neighborhood when I passed a house that freaked the bejeezus out of me. I should have taken a picture. Talk about going all out for Halloween. There was a nun zombie, a witch, a dead bride, a man hanging from a tree, and a regular zombie all chilling out in the front yard.

I think I'm going to avoid walking down that street for a while.

Amy Shackleton's Painting Without a Painbrush

It is a slow Monday when I am watching Youtube videos like this. But pretty neat. Painting sans paintbrush? It's like eating yogurt without a spoon.

This Makes Me Want to Be Someone's Girlfriend

Really like the song, hate the video.

Gluttony Extreme: LA County Fair Edition

Being at the LA County Fair this weekend reminded me of why there is a frightful obesity problem in America. At one point while we were pigging out on funnel cake, Henry and me exchanged a look at each other because we both saw the "wide load" that graced our line of vision. I feel like America is designed for people to get fat. Staying fit in this country is really an uphill battle, I tell you. There's no opportunities for people to naturally build exercise into their daily routine. Walking from point A to point B is like walking from your doorstep to your car. That's why you need gyms, whereas people in places like Asia don't nearly have the same obesity problem we do. Too much going in, not enough going out. At the fair you can also rent those motorized scooter things and drive them around the fairground, in case you didn't get enough un-exercise. Did people watch Wall-E? And then people like my mom who are just weird and make no sense when she gets mad that I tell her I'm going on a hike with some minor scaling involved. I mean, what is wrong with you woman? Most parents can't be happier that their kids are getting exercise, and you're going blah blah blah you're going to break something and you're not strong enough and don't try to show off and then watch, you won't be able to start work? From a hike. Why is she so Asian??? I lack upper body strength anyway so it's good that there's some arm work involved.

Wow, ok, I really went off on a tangent. Talk about parent issues. Anyway, back to what I really wanted to blog about, which was the fair! I was kind of disappointed there was no deep fried butter. But maybe that was a good thing. I was already feeling pretty gross at the end of the day. I did see other things you could get deep fried, including deep fried oreos, deep fried zucchini, deep fried koolaid, deep fried watermelon, deep fried burgers, deep fried burritos, deep fried twinkies, and probably anything else you wanted they could deep fry or if not, dip in chocolate (pickles, anyone?). Good stuff.

Good thing I was sharing it or I would have eaten the whole thing.

Interspersed between stuffing our faces there were some carnival games and animal petting. Man, speaking of carnival games, it's way expensive! I don't remember if it's always been that way, but 5 dollars for 10 tickets? And then one play is usually 10 tickets, so you're paying 5 dollars to play a game where you probably won't win anything. I guess I shouldn't think about it in those terms. But there are definitely more satisfying ways to spend 5 dollars. Maybe if I were Yao Ming, buying those carnival tickets would be worth it. I would buy a few and then keep playing the basketball game.

We made Brandon pay $1 to see Hercules, a 3,000 lb horse. He looked smaller in the picture, but we'll take my brother's word for it that he was big.

The fair is kind of like Disneyland to me now. I guess I could go once a year and have some fun, but I'm perfectly fine skipping it most of the time.

Seriously though, I had fun. This expression says it all. That, or constipation.

Toss and Turn

I can't sleep. For some reason I keep thinking about Nina and the day she left. It's not like I want to cry, but there's a lump in my throat and a lingering sadness.

Mr Clean's Apprentice

I cleaned the kitchen countertops today and they are now smooth like a baby's butt. Before they were mucked with cooking grease and smelled like toxic oil. I can't stop running my hands over them and giggling in delight. Dishwashing detergent+hot water+baking soda works wonders. Oh, and use a rough Scotchbrite cleaning pad. And your muscles.

I can't wait to live with my sister. We haven't lived together since I left for college. It will be so fun, minus her slob-like tendencies.

The best sister in the world. Brenda tells me this all the time. JUST KIDDING!

I Am Troy Davis

I'm very disturbed and disappointed at the outcome of Troy Davis' case. It was all I could think about yesterday. I don't think it would have been so significant to me had I not TA'ed for a law in film class last semester. Yes, of all places, a law in film course was where I first learned the details of the US's innocent-until-proven guilty criminal justice model. If I hadn't been in that class, I would have read the Troy Davis case and probably even felt that he ought to die, so justice could be served for the victim and his family. But in that class, I heard a defense lawyer speak and one point he made really stuck with me. It was in response to a student asking him whether he felt guilty for defending people that he knew deep inside were probably guilty as hell. He reacted by saying that when it came to his job, the first thing he thought about were his twin sons. What if one day, sitting in that defendant's seat, was one of his sons? He would want his son to be tried in a justice system that sought to unconditionally protect the innocent, even if it meant letting a few guilty ones go. I had never thought about that before. What if someone was in the wrong place, at the wrong time and all the facts of the case were stacked against them? Maybe he's guilty? Maybe not? If I were that person and knew that I was truly innocent, I would find some comfort in knowing that proving my innocence was not an insurmountable task. I would have hope that even though the circumstances pointed toward guilt, there would be an opportunity within the system to clear my name.

Which is why I am so sorry that the justice system has failed Troy Davis. Because if it can fail him, it can fail anyone. Unless you have money, then you can reverse the situation and make guilt look like innocence. But many of us don't have that type of resource. If our justice system can let someone like Casey Anthony go due to lack of evidence to convict her, why weren't all these factors debunking Troy Davis' "guilt beyond a reasonable doubt" enough to save him?

What's Your Attitude?

Me: I'm glad you're so optimistic.
Friend X: There's no other option.

That really hit me. Attitude makes the difference between those who eventually succeed or fail.

TV is Evil. Entertaining Evil.

Yessssss The Office and Modern Family are back. Another reason to like (I can't ever use that word without thinking of Facebook's thumbs up icon now) fall. Time taken away from doing other productive activities ftw!

Actually, Can We Have Summer for a Bit Longer?

Currently cleaning out my closet and wondering why I didn't wear more dresses this summer.

Yasheng Huang on Economic Growth in China and India, TED Talk, July 2011

If you don't have time to watch the video here are the takeaway points:
Infrastructure (roads, highways, buildings) are the result, not guaranteed cause, of economic growth. 
For every authoritarian government that has been economically successful, there has been a matched failure, particularly when it comes to East Asia. 
Human capital is what differentiates China from India when it comes to economic growth.
Economic growth cannot occur without women and economic opportunities for women.

Watching stuff like this makes me miss academia (on the slightest level). I really liked Yasheng Huang's book Capitalism with Chinese Characteristics. The way he approaches economic development and political issues with objectivity and rationality is admirable. If I ever become an academic I would want to do it with the same style and motivation he has.

Another Byte of Wisdom From Mama Au

This is at the market today. We were picking some pears.

I hand my mom a pear.
Mom: No! This one's too skinny! There's no meat on it.
Me: It looks like the one you have in your hand.
Mom: We are picking FRUITS, daughter, not PARTNERS, ok? Unlike your partners, you want your fruits fat and meaty.

Lols.

Some People Can't Be Saved

There's a good friend of mine who's been dealing with a number of personal and career issues. I don't really know what to say or do to help alleviate the situation, because it's a combination of unfavorable internal and external factors that is making everything horrible for said person. I wish I were the owner of a huge profitable company that could employ people, so I could give my friend a job, but I'm not. Said friend's birthday is coming up and I was trying to think of useful presents I could give. Short of cash, could I give a gift card? But some people think--I think this friend would--that shows no effort. A gas card? Practical right? Everyone who drives needs gas. But they lack sentimental value. But what's the point of getting something sentimental when the feeling of happiness exists only for a moment, the moment the gift is received? I don't think any gift I give can make this friend feel better about their birthday. Said person is unhappy with where they are in life right now, period. Not just one issue or aspect. The fact that it's their birthday only serves as a reminder of this. Their general life direction seems desolate to them, and how does a gift, or even an awesome birthday celebration I plan, make it better?

How many of the problems in our lives making us unhappy are uncontrollable, and how much of them are self-created? First of all I don't think it's healthy to compare yourself to anyone else. I have tried to hint at said person to not do this, but it's obvious the message has not been absorbed. Secondly, it's very painful to always think about someone you can't have. I have been there. Sometimes I think I am still there. Of course it's easier said than done to forget about someone you like deeply, but like the physical parallel of core strengthening in yoga, if at your spiritual core you love yourself and can be complete on your own, without someone else you need to be dependent on, then it becomes easier to forget about the impossible. Harping on the impossible is devastating for your well-being. I really want to explicitly tell my friend this, but I'm worried this friend will think I'm being insensitive and unsympathetic. Actually, I think this friend is very strong because they've been through a lot of stuff that's tested their willpower and ability to cope. It's just that this friend is at a moment of weakness. I hope it's temporary, or that at least there's an end in sight. 

All I know now is that I should never become a counselor or therapist. I would really suck at it because I can't give any useful advice or spew out some feel-good BS in tune with what someone's feeling. I would just stare at my patient, dumbfounded.

Colonization Sucks

It usually interests me to listen to older people talk. The old people I know were definitely not ones born with a silver spoon in their mouths, and so their stories of hardship really resonate with me. Not only that, but the fact that they talk about stuff so matter-of-factly--stuff that I've only read about in history books and studied from a distance--is mind-blowing to me.

I was sitting at a table with my dad, our family friends (an elderly couple from Taiwan), and a recent emigre of China tonight. The Taiwanese uncle and auntie were talking about life during Japanese colonization and the takeover of the KMT. Life was bad during colonization, but it was worse during KMT rule. Of course I knew this from reading about it already, but just hearing a first-person perspective was a different experience. Ah Beh talked about how during every harvest families would have to turn in every last grain of rice to Japanese officials and couldn't keep any for themselves. Then the rice would be rationed to each family, each time receiving only enough to survive. Never any extra. Then his wife (Wang Mama) talked about how some people would try to hide rice in the house. Her dad stuffed some in the ceiling. Japanese soldiers were very vigilant about making sure no one kept rice for themselves. They would raid people's houses, including poking through the ceiling to check if families were doing what was just described. If people were caught hiding rice they would be physically assaulted. Wang Mama laughed and said fines didn't work, because people were so poor even if you fined the shit out of them they wouldn't be able to hand over any money. So beating them up served as a more "appropriate" form of punishment.

So life was pretty shitty under Japanese rule, but it sucked ultimate balls when the KMT came. Ah Beh talked about how they welcomed their mainland brothers with open arms, but quickly discovered what a repressive and lawless regime they were. This was a completely new monster. As he put it, the Japanese were cruel, but at least there was societal order. The KMT was cruel AND there was no rule of law. People were shot without reason, people were afraid to say anything, and officials were so corrupt bribes were standard protocol. And just the tone Ah Beh, Wang Mama, and my dad were using when they were talking about all of this. Nonchalant, chuckling. I couldn't detect any resentment in their voices. When I learned about this historical period in school, I was like, WOW omg. When they recalled living through the experience, they were like, meh...haahaha.

Other things that sucked about living during this time:
Noodles were only eaten once a year, at the beginning of the summer. My dad also likes to mention this a lot, that he as a kid would be super excited whenever he heard relatives were coming because that meant they would take him out to eat noodles. Otherwise it was rice and soy sauce (and maybe some meat if lucky).
Having to carry hoes (insert tasteless dirty pun here) as schoolchildren in Taiwan. Kids were expected to do labor. Child labor laws definitely did not exist then.
Making clothing out of burlap noodle sacks. Wang Mama actually laughed and said it was great material for clothes because it was so durable.

I felt like an ingrate just sitting there and listening to them talk. Because come on, I have a closet full of clothes and some days I complain that I have nothing to wear. I write scathing reviews for restaurants because the service is lackluster. I curse at people when I'm in my car. MY CAR. Who had a car during 1960s Taiwan and Vietnam?

How far we've come a generation later. Can I be that noble one day? That valiant? That unconditional when it comes to making sacrifices so the next generation will be so well off they can't even imagine life without an iPod, a car, a closet full of shoes and clothes? I don't know. I know the sacrifices made during my parents' generation was largely because it was necessary for survival, but it's like people my age have a distaste for anything that requires mere compromise. Not even a sacrifice. Compromise. My dad's right. We're soft. We're "too" lucky. Then again, with the way things are looking now, maybe there's some bitterness that will inevitably be tasted. An opportune wake-up call perhaps? As long as we don't have to wear burlap sacks and carry hoes with our briefcases. I don't think I could find shoes to match.

Is the American Jobs Act Worth its Price Tag of $447 Billion?

“Business demand is what drives hiring."--Jeffery Braverman, owner of Nutsonline, in recent New York Times article

How do you create demand when people are unemployed? People need jobs to earn income, and you need people to have income in order to increase consumption, and you need consumption in the economy in order for businesses to experience demand. It's all cyclical.

The preliminary verdict on Obama's job creation plan, aka the American Jobs Act, is that it won't make a big dent in the unemployment rate. Cutting payroll taxes might cause employers across industries to "hire at the margins," because the monetary incentive provided just isn't enough...and a substantial number of jobs under the plan would be in the education (i.e. teachers who don't have to be laid off because of government support) and construction/transportation/infrastructure sectors. Unemployed white-collar, college-graduated people are probably looking over this, scratching their head and thinking, what part of the plan addresses my situation? Unless they're willing to become a construction worker (assuming they'll be hired) or have some sort of IT background, have worked or have an interest in the energy sector, or are looking to become certified in a healthcare sector job...three of the industries in the US predicted to grow in the near future.

Fall Fashion Haul and Ode to an Old Friend

I just bought my first coat for the season, so I hope fall comes soon! Even though I didn't enjoy the summer sun as much I should have, I think these past few days of heat gave me all I needed. I'm ready to turn in my shorts, tanks, and sandals for jeans, coats, boots, and TIGHTS. I love tights!

Other items on the to-get list:

High-waisted black shorts with gold buttons. Cute with suspenders, tights, and white blouse.

Lace-up wedge booties. I'm obsessed with these. Adorable in olive or tan too, and great with skinny jeans or tights.

Beige cardigan. Kind of a staple, matches everything. [Rosie Huntington-Whitely hot.]

Cream colored lace blouse. Feminine to the max.

I also really like trapeze silhouettes and autumn/winter colors--gold, crimson, navy, taupe, grey. I love being a girl.

200?-2011.

I miss you, sandals. Sandals my sister gave me 2+ years ago because you didn't fit her. At the beginning, I looked at you and scoffed.  I thought to myself, I'm rarely going to wear you. I had my Rainbows. But the more I wore you, the more love you gave my feet. You followed me tirelessly, unconditionally, never complaining, through the streets of LA, the streets of Shanghai, of Thailand, and of other places in between. You climbed over rocks, in gaps, on sidewalks, on dirt paths, sand, water, and every imaginable turf. Your jewels stayed relatively intact even as your soles became so worn in the label eventually faded from recognition. Even as I bought new sandals to replace you because I knew one day you would inevitably meet your last breath, I somehow thought we were going to be together forever. You must have known I took you for granted and didn't cherish you enough, choosing to convey your protest by snapping without warning as I climbed a flight of stairs yesterday. I thought to myself, this can't be happening. I cradled you in my arms as I irrationally and frantically tried to fix you (mainly because walking around with a broken sandal in public made me look like I had a gimp foot), knowing all too well that you had left me for eternity. A piece of me died that night. A piece of me went with you into the bottom of my garbage can, as I consoled my feet and convinced them that someday, they would find mates as worthy as you were. Thank you old friend, for your unequivocal devotion and everlasting love. It breaks my heart that I will have to walk many more miles without you, but I will do it in your honor. *Insert SPARTA yell here*

It Could Happen

Brian:  scenario

obama gets nothing done

dismal unemployment until re-election

republican takes both office, house, and senate

dooms day scenario where everyone just gets poorer besides the republicans

likely?

Blessed

I have got to be the luckiest girl in the world. SO, so, so, so grateful that I've been given this opportunity, that I have the friends, family, and support I have. I can't ask for anything more. This experience has taught me that hope is the strongest remedy you can administer for yourself. Never lose hope. It keeps you going, when you think you have nothing else.

So. damn. lucky.

Kip the Heeler

 My canine friend an ocean away.

My doggelganger is this cute lass. Too bad she's all the way in New Zealand.

Hope on a String

I got a phone call from a firm I interviewed for today. HR told me their client needs had changed and so hiring had stopped. The flooding of disappointment somewhat obscured what he was telling me next, but I caught the fact that I interviewed very well and I would be kept on file if other openings became available. An insider told me they're beginning to hire for their Palo Alto and San Francisco offices, so these two factors combined give me hope. Right after this I checked my email and HR from another firm asked me when I would be available to talk today. I wanted to shout in the email, CALL ME ANYTIME! EVEN AT MIDNIGHT! Obviously that wasn't a reasonable answer. I wish I could know now. It's killing me. Just put me out of my misery please.

I haven't really thought about what I would do if I didn't get an offer from this place. I haven't landed an interview elsewhere. This firm really is sort of my last glimmer of self-created hope. I just sat at Starbucks for a while, trying to decide how I felt. It was like a mixture of panic, frustration, hope, and finally, I was just like, fuck it. So then I baked some chocolate cupcakes.

 Therapy through baking.

Try New Things, and Try Them Often

Tonight's yoga session was ahhhmazing. I was hesitant to try a different instructor because I like my regular one so much, but today she had me sweating beads onto my mat. I haven't had that in a while. It reminded me to be more open to trying something new.

I keep staring at the bloody toenail I got from hiking. It's so ugly, but I will consider it a well-deserved trophy of a tough hike. I kind of hope it falls off so I can grow a new nail.

Pissing Me Off

Correcting my brother's Chinese homework makes me want to just rip it up in front of his face. How is he ever going to get into college with a work ethic like this? He doesn't even read the sentences or directions. He needs to get a job and then get fired from it so he can see what a shitty work ethic he has. What pisses me off even more is that this crap work he's giving me is not because he doesn't get it, but because he's lazy. At least if he doesn't get it I can fix that. HOW CAN SOMEONE BE SO EFFING LAZY? Inexcusable. Pathetic. Insulting. To me! I can't believe he would give me this crap to correct. I should just give it back to him and tell him it's not worth my time.

When I see him I'm going to let him have it...

Spirituality, NOT to be Confused with Religiosity

You know that your spiritual IQ is climbing when you:

• Notice that you are less bothered by the ups and downs of your life. This is a good one. Trying.
• Remember to ask for grace and guidance from the higher powers at the heart of the universe, and to be open to receive it through surprising channels. Guidance from higher powers? What higher powers?
• Realize that you're happier and more peaceful when you stop trying to control every situation. Totally true. It reminds me of a Looney Tunes episode I watched as a kid when Porky Pig was upset that Bugs Bunny kept trying to straighten his tail. There are just some things you can't force. Goooo with the flowwwwww.
• Stop worrying about always having everyone's approval. This one is good too. It's especially hard for those who naturally try to be people-pleasers.
• Find it easier to forgive your parents, your ex-spouse, the coach who bullied you in high school, and yourself. Is it just me, or is it easier to forgive other people than it is to forgive yourself? Why are we so harsh on ourselves?
• Wake up some mornings feeling grateful for no good reason. I love it when this happens. It keeps me on a natural high for the entire day (plus a little caffeine).
• Treat your feelings of anger, jealousy, and blame as opportunities to work with your own mind. I don't think I'm good at this yet.
• Develop inner practices like meditation, prayer, mindful awareness, self-inquiry, and silent contemplation. Happens during yoga. And when I take walks under the stars listening to Mr Johannes. And sometimes while driving.
• Feel less fearful of situations and outcomes that used to scare you. See point 3.
• Experience feelings of equality, kinship, and concern for other people, animals, and the earth. Wow. This one's hard. People are naturally selfish. I don't mean selfish in the negative sense. I mean we think of the world and our situation with ourselves in the center. To have true empathy for others requires a radical shift in your thinking. Default mode is me me me. If you can develop a way of thinking that is more inclusive, I think you've achieved what David Foster Wallace considers freedom. This also totally reminds me of what my friend said when he talked about why he's an animal person. We all share this earth. People can band together and demand their rights and entitlements when they feel wronged, but animals can't. But animals are living beings too. The worth of their life has been severely diminished because humans are the ones who make all the rules. How do you blame a bear for attacking a human when it was the human who trespassed onto the bear's domain in the first place? We don't shoot other humans for stepping on our lawns (well, most of us don't).
• Are less afraid to speak the truth, and know how to do it gently. Not my strong suit.
  
• Finally, and above all, feel a growing connection to your own unshakable Essence, your inner Self or Buddha nature. Buddha nature? I'm all for spirituality, but that sounds a little whacky. Maybe I'll just stick to finding my true inner self for now.

Seeking consistent and unwavering internal peace is definitely a work in progress, but that's the beauty of the activity. The wheels are always in motion. Inspiration can also come from places you expect it least.

Redbox

I discovered Redbox! This may be dangerous because it's another time distraction, but at least I will watch more new movies and be less pop culture-stupid.

I watched Sucker Punch tonight. It was quite strange and I'm not sure if I liked it. Mental asylums always creep me out and the pouty look Emily Browning had on the entire time made me want to pout too. I felt like I was watching someone play RPG. But the girls are very pretty.