City of Angels

Back home. Feels good.

Continuously Edited List

Things I will miss about Socal:

Good boba
Yoga studio that I go to regularly
Sunny Octobers and Novembers
Cheap and delicious Asian food

Perpetual Vacation

Some people still think I'm in China. I suppose maybe I shouldn't have announced the news so quickly when I first thought I was going. =.=

Well, life has been how it is now for the past, hm, about 3 months now, so even thinking about moving next month seems a little unreal. Although I'm excited to start working I think I will miss a lot of things. Like, having an open schedule, and drinking a lot of boba with my friends, and having all this time to read and blog and write Yelp reviews, and just thinking about things like why the universe is always expanding. I'll also miss sleeping until 10 AM. At the same time I know I'm very much in my comfort zone right now, and I won't grow unless I'm put into spaces and places that challenge me.

My friend told me about this amazing HDR photo blog, Stuck in Customs by Trey Ratcliff, today. I don't know anything about photography, but I know a gorgeous picture when I see one. The only standard I have is whether looking at a picture makes me want to go to that place (in the case of scenic photography, which is my personal favorite). If it does, then to me it's a good picture.

Bay Area. Excellent!

Wowwwwww. Pre-IFC days.

LA will always be home <3

Crazy beautiful.

Gluttony Extreme: LA County Fair Edition

Being at the LA County Fair this weekend reminded me of why there is a frightful obesity problem in America. At one point while we were pigging out on funnel cake, Henry and me exchanged a look at each other because we both saw the "wide load" that graced our line of vision. I feel like America is designed for people to get fat. Staying fit in this country is really an uphill battle, I tell you. There's no opportunities for people to naturally build exercise into their daily routine. Walking from point A to point B is like walking from your doorstep to your car. That's why you need gyms, whereas people in places like Asia don't nearly have the same obesity problem we do. Too much going in, not enough going out. At the fair you can also rent those motorized scooter things and drive them around the fairground, in case you didn't get enough un-exercise. Did people watch Wall-E? And then people like my mom who are just weird and make no sense when she gets mad that I tell her I'm going on a hike with some minor scaling involved. I mean, what is wrong with you woman? Most parents can't be happier that their kids are getting exercise, and you're going blah blah blah you're going to break something and you're not strong enough and don't try to show off and then watch, you won't be able to start work? From a hike. Why is she so Asian??? I lack upper body strength anyway so it's good that there's some arm work involved.

Wow, ok, I really went off on a tangent. Talk about parent issues. Anyway, back to what I really wanted to blog about, which was the fair! I was kind of disappointed there was no deep fried butter. But maybe that was a good thing. I was already feeling pretty gross at the end of the day. I did see other things you could get deep fried, including deep fried oreos, deep fried zucchini, deep fried koolaid, deep fried watermelon, deep fried burgers, deep fried burritos, deep fried twinkies, and probably anything else you wanted they could deep fry or if not, dip in chocolate (pickles, anyone?). Good stuff.

Good thing I was sharing it or I would have eaten the whole thing.

Interspersed between stuffing our faces there were some carnival games and animal petting. Man, speaking of carnival games, it's way expensive! I don't remember if it's always been that way, but 5 dollars for 10 tickets? And then one play is usually 10 tickets, so you're paying 5 dollars to play a game where you probably won't win anything. I guess I shouldn't think about it in those terms. But there are definitely more satisfying ways to spend 5 dollars. Maybe if I were Yao Ming, buying those carnival tickets would be worth it. I would buy a few and then keep playing the basketball game.

We made Brandon pay $1 to see Hercules, a 3,000 lb horse. He looked smaller in the picture, but we'll take my brother's word for it that he was big.

The fair is kind of like Disneyland to me now. I guess I could go once a year and have some fun, but I'm perfectly fine skipping it most of the time.

Seriously though, I had fun. This expression says it all. That, or constipation.

Car-mageddon

Car-mageddon: The 405 freeway between the 10 and the 101 is shutting down for a weekend from July 16-17. It's such a big event that the city has been advertising it for weeks now. When I drive along any LA freeway, the signs shout at me from the side: 405 FREEWAY. CLOSED JULY 16-17. Only in LA, can a freeway shut down for 53 hours and have it be the end of the world. How are people going to go to their yoga classes and farmer markets??! AhHhHhHhHhHh!! The video is pretty funny if you buy into all the stereotypes about Angelenos and their social and lifestyle habits.

Pensieve Entry

So much has been on my mind lately. I've just had a lot more time alone to think about things, between making formatting revisions on my thesis, looking at jobs, and part-time tutoring. This post will be random because I literally am pouring out everything that's stored in my head.

It's been a little over a week since Nina was put to sleep. So far there hasn't been a day where I don't think about her. The first few days, I couldn't stop crying. Any little memory I had that came up in my mind of her would trigger an overwhelming flow of emotion. Sadness. Anger. Guilt. Regret. I couldn't really separate them; they just all sort of emerged together and tangled me up into an emotional mess. The final moments of her life just kept replaying in my head. I couldn't get away from them, the images of her struggling to breathe while I was rushing her to the clinic, the spilled blood everywhere. I honestly could say this has been the worst form of emotional pain I've been through. My heart just ached.
I will never stop missing her. All I have left of her now is her dog tag and a paw print I preserved in clay. I think that's enough tangible memory for me though. There was something bittersweet I found in the quote, "When someone you love becomes a memory, that memory becomes a treasure." My memories of Nina are gold.

It seems like my career and relocation plans are facing some challenges. At first when I found out how long the entire process would take, I was really frustrated. Frustrated that it wasn't going smoothly and as how I intended. But after I took some time to think about it, I felt that it was maybe a blessing in disguise. Being here at home longer means I get to spend more precious time with family and friends, relax for a while longer before I become crazy busy again, and just reflect on myself and my life during much appreciated moments of being alone. I do believe all big events in our lives happen for a reason. It's been demonstrated to me time and time again in my own life. Whatever happens these next few months or weeks, I'll go with the flow. It seems to have worked relatively well in the past.

I think my parents are beginning to worry that I don't have a boyfriend or a potential inkling of one. I don't really know what to tell them. Sometimes, I don't really even know what to tell myself. I think I really screw things up for myself. I do believe it's true that it's not hard to be happy. I just have to open my heart to people who are willing to open theirs for me. And there have been windows of opportunity. I find myself really, really wanting to give everything I can offer to someone, emotionally, time-wise, commitment-wise (though I definitely don't mean that in a super-serious, ball-and-chain way), because I think I've reached that point where I'm able to again. But instead, I complicate things for myself by staying fixated on the people, the person, I can't and shouldn't be thinking about. I tell myself not to think about it. It works for a while, because I convince myself differently each time.
You're not really feeling what you're feeling.
That's not what you should be feeling.
Don't take things seriously.
It would never work.
I feel like I'm just fighting myself to no avail. It's like Lindsey Lohan in rehab. Relapse is inevitable. Rargh! In a way, that's also why I'm so eager to go to Beijing. I know it's silly to run away from your issues (in this case, literally), but at least it means I'll have a fresh start, be distanced from this internal struggle I've been having for a while now. In Beijing, I will grow. I will mature. I will find someone who is right for me. At least, that's what I'm hoping.

It actually felt super good to get that out. Girls are stupid huh? Well, we're entitled ;)

ANYWAY, onto a lighter subject near and dear to my heart. I love the warm weather. I forgot how lovely summer in LA can be, especially since I usually take advantage of time off from school to travel and do school-related stuff (as sparingly as possible) during these months. It's especially gorgeous at night. I went for a run tonight and I literally felt like I could just run, and run, and run. I didn't feel tired at all. The breeze on my face felt so calming, and my mind was just blank. I simply was.
Later on I was lying down on the grass, looking up at the sky and listening to Johannes Linstead on my iPod. By the way, he is the reason I have discovered a deep attraction to new age flamenco. Check him out; he is awesome and amazingly talented. Anyway, the sky was especially clear tonight. Or maybe I just don't usually notice it. I could see so many stars, and the moon was just hanging out to my right. I felt true tranquility at that moment. The feeling was incredibly peaceful. No rush, no anxiousness, no negativity. I could have lay there forever, because everything just seemed so simple. And I think I fell in love with the simplicity.

Channeling the Doomsday Prophet

Second massive Southland fish die-off has scientists looking for links

Ahh! Second massive fish die off in a month on the California coast. Could it really be a sign of an impending apocalyptic earthquake? (I'm referring to geologist Jim Berkland's prediction about the "seismic window" and patterns of quakes on the Ring of Fire.) Well, I guess if the big one comes there's nothing we can do about it except run around like chickens with their heads cut off.

I was talking to a friend today and after our conversation I concluded that the best gift I can give someone I care about is an earthquake preparedness kit. (Well, for people living in earthquake zones anyway.) They might think I'm crazy, but if you think about it, I live on a huge fault line. It only takes one huge shake up to destroy everything and devastate lives (knock on wood). So people living in places like Los Angeles really should make a kit for themselves. I know I should for myself, but I am guilty like most other people and just never get around to doing it. We Socaler's just don't think about it because it seems like such a remote concept, that the ground would crack beneath our feet and the roofs above us come tumbling down. I don't really care if the recipient of my gift thinks I'm crazy. If the big one does come one day I hope that person will have my kit in an accessible location and think, wow, I'm so lucky I have this. ULTIMATE told-you-so victory. =D

Whirlwind DC

Here, in succinct summary format, are the highlights of my Spring Break DC trip. I really, really liked the city and after seeing it have decided it's a place I could see myself being for a while for professional reasons. The ambiance is definitely not LA. The cliche of LA being a laid-back, mellow city really was solidified for me when I experienced DC. Life moves at a much faster pace there, and you really do see the change in environment on a weekday (important-looking people bustling around in suits) versus a weekend (families taking a stroll on the National Mall and people throwing frisbees around). The distinction is not so much defined in LA.

Flew in on Saturday evening, checked into my downtown DC hotel, and quickly realized I was in a part of town that basically died after 6 PM. Chinatown was about 4 blocks down and that was a little more exciting.

On Sunday I visited Newseum and some of the Smithsonian museums. Newseum was in a word, awesome. I would totally recommend it on a sightseeing trip to DC. There was so much interesting information, captivating exhibits, and just such a rich collection of print and digital media. Highlights were seeing the Unabomber Ted Kaczynski's original off-the-grid cabin in the Montana mountains when he was living in solitude and the Pulitzer Prize gallery. But the entire museum was redeeming. I wish I had more time to see more Smithsonian museums, but the ones I visited included the National Gallery of Art (everything from impressionism pieces to American and European scenic paintings to scratch-your-head modern art) and the Hirshhorn (more of the good-ol'-scratch-your-head stuff).

Monday and Tuesday was my Wilmington, Delaware trip. I had a productive (and hopefully promising) meeting with company staff and directors. I can't say too much about that right now, for better judgment, but we ended up taking a nice little unexpected detour to Philadelphia, which I LOVED. I loved it so much I am expressing it in pictoral form.
Philadelphia was just so gosh darn charming. The brick buildings, the history, the sprawling parks and greenery made it seem like a DC without the tension. I really could see myself living there for a while and enjoying everything the city had to offer. After I got back that night I had dinner with a friend from college and she was cool enough to take me down to U Street, apparently a street that stands on its own in terms of history.

On Wednesday I did a walking tour from the Capitol down to the Lincoln Memorial, a 2-mile stretch. Nice, long walk which included the Supreme Court, Washington Monument, WWII Memorial, and the Vietnam Memorial. The highlight of my DC visit was definitely the Library of Congress. Talk about a beautiful building. All the buildings in DC are locked in a competition to see which is more imposing and important, but the LOC really stood out on its own. I fell in love with the Greco-Italian-German architecture and just the majestic grandeur of the place. Everything was so out there, but it worked together harmoniously. Later on I hit up the White House and had dinner with a good college friend who gave me some very insightful experience on his DC experience so far and what it's done for him. We also hit up Dupont Circle, which was a nice little yuppie area (and I use that term in the most positive sense possible).

Thursday I met up with friends in POIR and went to Ben's Chili Bowl, which is supposed to be famous in DC. It was pretty good. I'll leave it at that. We walked to the Jefferson Memorial and along the riverfront, then the Kennedy Center. It was a gorgeous day. Sadly enough I was two weeks too early for the Cherry Blossom Festival, which would have been amazing to see.

Needless to say, being there a week made me think about how much I would miss my family, my friends, mellow LA, and my dog. It also made me realize how I need to look beyond my bubble and blaze a path for myself now, so that one day I can love my family, like my friends, bask in mellow LA, and coddle my dog not as a poor graduate student who lives for the moment, but as a provider for all the people and things I care about and as a mature someone who can look beyond what's in front of me and out towards the horizon.

Adjustment Costs

Back in LA, where...
I am no longer a pedestrian, but a driver
Space is no longer a luxury but a built-in feature
Shanghainese no longer punctuates the conversation around me
"Exotic" food like burritos are no longer a treasure hunt
I no longer have my bed to myself but instead have to share it


Meet Nina, a mini Pinscher. She is the smallest thing and I can easily pick her up with one hand. I researched the breed online and they are one of the most hyperactive, attention-seeking dogs out there. I don't think my mom did the research before deciding to adopt her from my uncle. My mom is also an elitist when it comes to dogs--she'll shun mutts from the shelter but oohs and aahs over Nina since she's purebred. So in the end, I didn't get to choose my pet, but this one is a handful so I think I'm good for now.

I finally had the meeting today I've been anticipating for...oh, about a year now. My announcement to quit has been made official, and it went over a lot better than I thought it would. The director was especially receptive, which I was pleasantly surprised about, because it's never easy breaking this kind of news to a program that has invested so much in you. What a relief--it really feels like a great burden has been lifted off my shoulders. A good indication that I made the right decision? But this also means I'm potentially working on a shorter deadline than I initially thought. I could be graduating in May, which is half a year from now. This puts something else on my mind...the prospects of being employed after everything is done and settled. Time to start job hunting now. Now...now...now...

Why is it so hard being an adult? I wish I was a child, or Nina, who plays around with chew toys all day and just snuggles up to nap in my sheets once she becomes tired.

Pin Fetish

The last thing I would have imagined encountering here at the Expo is this fundamental craziness for pin collecting. For outsiders who may not understand the pin culture kicking and thriving between Expo employees, a bit of foregrounding should suffice.
At the Expo, there are various pins representing different pavilions, countries, organizations, and themes in general. Many of these pins are traded and collected between Expo employees, including pavilion workers, volunteers, bus drivers, even upper level management. Different pins have different values depending on how sought after they are, how rare they are, and so on and so on. The entire pin trading/collecting dynamic becomes a big bargaining process, not unlike shopping in the streets of Shanghai. More often than not it's not just a one-for-one deal. 2 pins for 1. 5 pins for 2. 3 pins for 6. You get the idea. It's all subjective to a certain extent. Different pins are of different worth and significance to different people. The craze with which this phenomenon has hit people is remarkable. It's gotten to a point where I try not to wear my badge when I don't have to (the lanyard holds the pins people own, like a trophy around their necks) because I see glints and stares out of the corner of my eye. I for one do not care for pin trading since there are none that I so covet. I mean, I'm more than happy to take a pin when someone offers it, but there's never a pin that warrants me approaching someone in order to initiate a trade. Bleh.

Since taking this photo my pin collection has grown through people's generosity.

USA Pavilion pins.

On another note, there are tidbits of California that I miss. I miss driving and my car. I miss the nice balance between suburbia and urban-ness (though ONLY at times--am I really admitting this?) I miss great weather. Oh, the mild, pleasurable climate that only LA can harbor. I miss Chipotle. I miss my family. I miss clubbing with my girls. I miss shopping in malls with rows of recognizable labels and clothes I'm fashionably comfortable with wearing. I miss wasting hours playing Big 2 and drinking milk tea. I miss having private space, namely a bubble around me that people usually don't penetrate that is violated here the second I step into any public area. I could go on and on because there are tons of things I miss, but right now there's no other place I'd rather be than here. It's proven to be an awesome experience so far.

Moving Pains

Moving back to good ol' West Covina at the end of this week. Goodbye Culver City. Goodbye lively LA. You've been good to me. I will definitely miss the hustle and bustle of the city. I hope I'm not doing myself a wrong by trading urban vibrancy for suburban sleepiness. Ooh.