An Insight on Working

I REALLY am appreciating weekends now as a working gal. I feel like I am holding the proverbial breath all week long during workdays, and then when Friday night arrives I just let out that breath in a sigh of relief. Other things I didn't consider joys during my time as a student but now are finding as real treats? Free time. Reading the news. Blogging. My blog really misses me. I know it. We used to be such good friends. Can you forgive me? < 3

Tonight, instead of staying in as I have been recently on Friday nights in order to R&R, I went to a Jason Mraz concert with my sister and friends. He is so, so good live. I am not a concert person. I have never understood the appeal of listening to an artist who sounds like a dream on your iPod, but sounds like they are piercing your bubble while live. In short, I don't go to concerts. But I'm really glad I went to this one. Jason Mraz must be one of the very few on this earth who sounds just as good, if not better, live as he does on his recordings. I was so entertained. And happy I took the extra effort to do something fun and different on a Friday night, breaking my domestic streak. See what I mean about becoming a very dull person in the working world?

Robots Are Singing

I just listened to Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper completely in autotune. Is nothing in music sacred anymore? And this is coming from someone who enjoys her fair share of EDM and bubblegum pop.

It Stirs the Emotions and Floods the Mind

Everyone's had that experience where smelling something or hearing a song immediately takes them back to a given moment in their lives. Tonight I was ironing and I caught a whiff of the scent that's given off when you put iron to cloth. That smell...took me back to my apartment in Shanghai in 2010. I was reminded of our cheap China-made iron that broke after a few uses. And then my thoughts just began rolling and drowning in Lanzhou noodles, bus trips to the mall, rainy summers, bag and badge checks every time I entered my apartment grounds, watermelon that broke cleanly in half with a slight knife cut, and bad coffee in nice coffeeshops.

It's the same way when I hear a song. Amazing how a melody and some lyrics can set you off. Repeat by David Guetta and Jessie J. Played it on repeat when I was trying to get over someone. Dancing All Night Long by Michelle Martinez. Summer clubbing nights. Any Johannes Linstead song reminds me of summer evening walks in my neighborhood. And then I can remember the jasmine aroma that wafted from the trees into the air and reached my nose. Dog Days Are Over by Florence and the Machine. Twirling my little Nina around with her paws while she stared at me with a bewildered expression. Goodnight and Go by Imogen Heap. Commutes to and from USC while living at home. I'm swimming in a sea of nostalgia right now that only holds meaning to me...

Lady Gaga - Marry The Night (Official Video)

I always make the mistake of thinking her videos can't get any crazier. This one doesn't even start until like 11 minutes in.

Gap, Uniqlo, Fire & Ice

I've been wanting to post this for a while but forgot it was on my desktop. I thought it was interesting.

Uniqlo was just about the only store I would shop at in China's department stores because they sold stuff I thought I might actually wear back in the States. Everything else usually was too...exotic for my taste.

I'm going to listen to Kaskade's new album now. Sooooooooo happy I got my hands on it!

This Makes Me Want to Be Someone's Girlfriend

Really like the song, hate the video.

Dog Days Are Over

Whenever I hear this song I always think of how I used to take Nina by her front paws and twirl her around while singing to her, The dog days are over! She just had this very confused look that also read, please put me down. Oh, what a cutie.

And I didn't know the video was going to be so full of...makeup.

So True? So True?!

Things I Will Do If I Have A Crush On You « Thought Catalog

Written by a gay man, but it's universal.

"If I have a crush on you, there’s a good chance you won’t like me back. It’s not as if I fall for people who are unattainable, it’s just that…I fall for people who are unattainable. Rats! This has to do with the whole “I’m too scared to talk to you” thing though. You see, if I don’t actually like you, I’ll be able to talk to you easily and flirt and laugh and rub your arm. I feel no nervousness because I just won’t think of you in that way. So just to recap, I ignore the people I actually like and lead on the people I don’t. WHAT?!"

Yes, really, WHAT? Story of my life, seemingly. How do I stop it, waah?

Lil Wayne's How to Love is stuck in my head right now.

Clara C's Heartstrings

I really adore this girl. A friend and I saw her perform once at USC and she was so cute. And she has a great voice.

Pensieve Entry

So much has been on my mind lately. I've just had a lot more time alone to think about things, between making formatting revisions on my thesis, looking at jobs, and part-time tutoring. This post will be random because I literally am pouring out everything that's stored in my head.

It's been a little over a week since Nina was put to sleep. So far there hasn't been a day where I don't think about her. The first few days, I couldn't stop crying. Any little memory I had that came up in my mind of her would trigger an overwhelming flow of emotion. Sadness. Anger. Guilt. Regret. I couldn't really separate them; they just all sort of emerged together and tangled me up into an emotional mess. The final moments of her life just kept replaying in my head. I couldn't get away from them, the images of her struggling to breathe while I was rushing her to the clinic, the spilled blood everywhere. I honestly could say this has been the worst form of emotional pain I've been through. My heart just ached.
I will never stop missing her. All I have left of her now is her dog tag and a paw print I preserved in clay. I think that's enough tangible memory for me though. There was something bittersweet I found in the quote, "When someone you love becomes a memory, that memory becomes a treasure." My memories of Nina are gold.

It seems like my career and relocation plans are facing some challenges. At first when I found out how long the entire process would take, I was really frustrated. Frustrated that it wasn't going smoothly and as how I intended. But after I took some time to think about it, I felt that it was maybe a blessing in disguise. Being here at home longer means I get to spend more precious time with family and friends, relax for a while longer before I become crazy busy again, and just reflect on myself and my life during much appreciated moments of being alone. I do believe all big events in our lives happen for a reason. It's been demonstrated to me time and time again in my own life. Whatever happens these next few months or weeks, I'll go with the flow. It seems to have worked relatively well in the past.

I think my parents are beginning to worry that I don't have a boyfriend or a potential inkling of one. I don't really know what to tell them. Sometimes, I don't really even know what to tell myself. I think I really screw things up for myself. I do believe it's true that it's not hard to be happy. I just have to open my heart to people who are willing to open theirs for me. And there have been windows of opportunity. I find myself really, really wanting to give everything I can offer to someone, emotionally, time-wise, commitment-wise (though I definitely don't mean that in a super-serious, ball-and-chain way), because I think I've reached that point where I'm able to again. But instead, I complicate things for myself by staying fixated on the people, the person, I can't and shouldn't be thinking about. I tell myself not to think about it. It works for a while, because I convince myself differently each time.
You're not really feeling what you're feeling.
That's not what you should be feeling.
Don't take things seriously.
It would never work.
I feel like I'm just fighting myself to no avail. It's like Lindsey Lohan in rehab. Relapse is inevitable. Rargh! In a way, that's also why I'm so eager to go to Beijing. I know it's silly to run away from your issues (in this case, literally), but at least it means I'll have a fresh start, be distanced from this internal struggle I've been having for a while now. In Beijing, I will grow. I will mature. I will find someone who is right for me. At least, that's what I'm hoping.

It actually felt super good to get that out. Girls are stupid huh? Well, we're entitled ;)

ANYWAY, onto a lighter subject near and dear to my heart. I love the warm weather. I forgot how lovely summer in LA can be, especially since I usually take advantage of time off from school to travel and do school-related stuff (as sparingly as possible) during these months. It's especially gorgeous at night. I went for a run tonight and I literally felt like I could just run, and run, and run. I didn't feel tired at all. The breeze on my face felt so calming, and my mind was just blank. I simply was.
Later on I was lying down on the grass, looking up at the sky and listening to Johannes Linstead on my iPod. By the way, he is the reason I have discovered a deep attraction to new age flamenco. Check him out; he is awesome and amazingly talented. Anyway, the sky was especially clear tonight. Or maybe I just don't usually notice it. I could see so many stars, and the moon was just hanging out to my right. I felt true tranquility at that moment. The feeling was incredibly peaceful. No rush, no anxiousness, no negativity. I could have lay there forever, because everything just seemed so simple. And I think I fell in love with the simplicity.

The Shanghai Restoration Project

Segue--Di Johnston

On my play list right now.

Ryan Tedder--American Pop's Hero

The most underrated musician/entertainer: Ryan Tedder. Some of his work includes writing songs for performers like Beyonce (Halo), Far East Movement (Rocketeer), Leona Lewis (Bleeding Love), Kelly Clarkson (All I Ever Wanted), James Morrison, Adele (current obsession of yours truly).
Others: Backstreet Boys, Ludacris, Gavin DeGraw, Whitney Houston, TATU, Natasha Bedingfield, Clay Aiken (?!), Westlife, Charice, Adam Lambert, on and on and on.

Not to mention his band One Republic and Apologize (love that song). This guy basically is the pillar of the American music industry. And you hear so little about him. Amazing.

The Spice Girls Have Nothing on This

Adele.
Florence and the Machine.
Ellie Goulding.
Imogen Heap.

My recent music tastes have been hit by a wave of British lady-talents. I'm rolling in the deep, in a headlock, and a bit starry eyed.