Pissing Me Off

Correcting my brother's Chinese homework makes me want to just rip it up in front of his face. How is he ever going to get into college with a work ethic like this? He doesn't even read the sentences or directions. He needs to get a job and then get fired from it so he can see what a shitty work ethic he has. What pisses me off even more is that this crap work he's giving me is not because he doesn't get it, but because he's lazy. At least if he doesn't get it I can fix that. HOW CAN SOMEONE BE SO EFFING LAZY? Inexcusable. Pathetic. Insulting. To me! I can't believe he would give me this crap to correct. I should just give it back to him and tell him it's not worth my time.

When I see him I'm going to let him have it...

Spirituality, NOT to be Confused with Religiosity

You know that your spiritual IQ is climbing when you:

• Notice that you are less bothered by the ups and downs of your life. This is a good one. Trying.
• Remember to ask for grace and guidance from the higher powers at the heart of the universe, and to be open to receive it through surprising channels. Guidance from higher powers? What higher powers?
• Realize that you're happier and more peaceful when you stop trying to control every situation. Totally true. It reminds me of a Looney Tunes episode I watched as a kid when Porky Pig was upset that Bugs Bunny kept trying to straighten his tail. There are just some things you can't force. Goooo with the flowwwwww.
• Stop worrying about always having everyone's approval. This one is good too. It's especially hard for those who naturally try to be people-pleasers.
• Find it easier to forgive your parents, your ex-spouse, the coach who bullied you in high school, and yourself. Is it just me, or is it easier to forgive other people than it is to forgive yourself? Why are we so harsh on ourselves?
• Wake up some mornings feeling grateful for no good reason. I love it when this happens. It keeps me on a natural high for the entire day (plus a little caffeine).
• Treat your feelings of anger, jealousy, and blame as opportunities to work with your own mind. I don't think I'm good at this yet.
• Develop inner practices like meditation, prayer, mindful awareness, self-inquiry, and silent contemplation. Happens during yoga. And when I take walks under the stars listening to Mr Johannes. And sometimes while driving.
• Feel less fearful of situations and outcomes that used to scare you. See point 3.
• Experience feelings of equality, kinship, and concern for other people, animals, and the earth. Wow. This one's hard. People are naturally selfish. I don't mean selfish in the negative sense. I mean we think of the world and our situation with ourselves in the center. To have true empathy for others requires a radical shift in your thinking. Default mode is me me me. If you can develop a way of thinking that is more inclusive, I think you've achieved what David Foster Wallace considers freedom. This also totally reminds me of what my friend said when he talked about why he's an animal person. We all share this earth. People can band together and demand their rights and entitlements when they feel wronged, but animals can't. But animals are living beings too. The worth of their life has been severely diminished because humans are the ones who make all the rules. How do you blame a bear for attacking a human when it was the human who trespassed onto the bear's domain in the first place? We don't shoot other humans for stepping on our lawns (well, most of us don't).
• Are less afraid to speak the truth, and know how to do it gently. Not my strong suit.
  
• Finally, and above all, feel a growing connection to your own unshakable Essence, your inner Self or Buddha nature. Buddha nature? I'm all for spirituality, but that sounds a little whacky. Maybe I'll just stick to finding my true inner self for now.

Seeking consistent and unwavering internal peace is definitely a work in progress, but that's the beauty of the activity. The wheels are always in motion. Inspiration can also come from places you expect it least.

Redbox

I discovered Redbox! This may be dangerous because it's another time distraction, but at least I will watch more new movies and be less pop culture-stupid.

I watched Sucker Punch tonight. It was quite strange and I'm not sure if I liked it. Mental asylums always creep me out and the pouty look Emily Browning had on the entire time made me want to pout too. I felt like I was watching someone play RPG. But the girls are very pretty.

Hope for the Best. Expect the Worst.

Learning to let go is one of the hardest things to do, especially when you know you've done everything in your power to try to make things go the way you want them to. I think people have such a hard time letting go because everything after that becomes uncertain. Will it turn out ok? Or badly? When it comes to this part, I think of something a good friend said to me once: ask yourself, what's the worst that can happen? To me, the worst thing that can happen in any situation is that I will die. Hahaha. Ok, I know that is a low bar to set, but it does put into context whatever "problem" I am preoccupied with at the moment. Should I be worried to this extent, wasting this much time and energy thinking about it? If the answer is no, it means I need to rationally devise a course of action to either let go or prepare to do so.

And then what happens after that? I then think of a quote my yoga instructor told us recently.

[Paraphrasing] Hope is not praying that everything will turn out ok (which is religion <==this is my own two cents =X), but having the certainty to know that it will all make sense.

Stomach Knotty

Sigh. Maybe tomorrow?

There was a bright spot in my day when I got to see a friend I hadn't seen in 5 years. And also when he reassured me that I will be fine. I hope so.

HopeHopeHopeHopeHope

Yoshihiko Noda

Japan has changed Prime Ministers more often these past six years than a beauty pageant contestant changes her outfits during a competition. After Koizumi there hasn't been an individual who's lasted more than a year. Abe, Fukuda, Aso, Hatoyama, Kan, and now very recently elected Yoshihiko Noda. Every time I hear about a new PM being elected I hope that they'll last longer than a year. I imagine it must be difficult getting things done when leadership changes so often. Maybe Noda will last longer, since he seems to take a pretty strong stance on fiscal issues. And I guess since the economy's been basically stagnant for almost two decades...this may be a good thing?? I don't know much about Japanese politics, but it seems like a country that has sort of lost its spirit. Not spirit in the sense of the people's, of course--the tragic tsunami if anything undeniably proved that Japanese people's resiliency and compassion are as strong as they can be--but more like a lacking invigoration from the leadership. A few years ago when I was doing research on China-Japan relations I remember reading a report about how low patriotism was among Japanese youth. And how does Japan form a strong national identity when it has come to depend on the US militarily for its security, and when the rest of the world (especially China) watches it with a wary eye tinted by the legacy of World War II? I think what the perpetual rapid-fire succession of PM after PM indicates is that the Japanese people want a leader who will take a stance, even if it's an unpopular one. To have clear direction, stand up to the rest of the world, and be somewhat of a hardliner. That's what Koizumi was, and there hasn't really been someone like him since then. Or maybe I am wrong because I'm kind of sleepy and changing Prime Ministers every year is something that's ok.

Crossing my fingers for good news this week.

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

The stars are saying hello tonight and they are oh so gorgeous. I wish I had a mega telescope-camera so I could take a picture.

Look at all those dead guys up there Simba!