Those Big Brown Eyes

I'm taking Nina to get spayed tomorrow and I am deathly worried. I know it's a normal procedure but she's so little...and frail...and afraid of strangers...what a horrible person I am for not feeding her breakfast and leaving her alone all day, drugged, cut up, with people she doesn't know. While she's gone her little whines are going to be echoing in my head.

Dear God, if I become a mother one day am I going to be one of those types that bundle up their children in 10 layers of clothing during the summer because I'm afraid they'll catch a cold?

Christmas Winner

My sister is the bestest. I got this gorgeous Cath Kidston-knockoff saddle bag and wallet from her for Christmas. It is the most beautifully patterned bag and I don't own anything like it. I am OBSESSED!



Sometimes the fake is better than the real. This pattern isn't available on their website right now.

Merry Christmas and happy 2011 everyone! Just put down everything for these two special occasions and celebrate it with the people who mean the most to you. You've made it through another year and undoubtedly said people have been by your side, making memories with you, supporting you, and making life worth living.

Neeners

Nina came down with a fever yesterday because I let her out in the rain too long while taking her out to do her business. I was worried to the point of tears yesterday when she lay there, barely moving a muscle. At times she would let out blood-curdling high-pitched whines, like she was in serious pain. I didn't know what was wrong with her. Contrast this with lively, playful, hyper Nina who rarely stops moving and jumping. I know it was super paranoia taking over, because through the night I kept thinking, what if she doesn't make it? What if she's a dead doggy by twilight? It was such a relief, after 4 hours of sleep, to wake up and see her moving her eyes around even if her body wasn't. At the vet's office the doctor gave her some antibodies and a checkup. I had no idea the physical vulnerability of this poor little pooch. I felt so guilty while at the same time being sad that this ordeal had put a dent in my wallet--meds and office visit cost 73 dollars! A costly oversight indeed...But the good news is Nina will most likely be ok. She looked and seemed better today, so hopefully this recovery continues apace.

Before one begins to jump to conclusions about me being certified neurotic, there probably is a logical, psychologically-rooted explanation for my excessive anxiety. At least this is what I think. I don't usually get so ahead of myself when it comes to other issues. At the root of the problem, it has to do with my numerous short-lived experiences with pets. I must have had 4 or 5 puppies and/or dogs, all who met a tragic end less than a month of us owning them. Lucky was sent away because my mom couldn't stand him nibbling her plants (which she values more dearly than pets). Mimi died of a disease genetically transmitted by her mother. Peanut was sent away for the same reason Lucky was. And then I had an adorable mixed terrier whose name I forget, but she slipped under the gate and was never to be seen again. I guess through all this, my mom is partially to blame. These experiences have traumatized me such that I am horribly afraid any roaming insect eaten or rapid-fire illness will claim Nina's life, or that an unnoticed crack somewhere will be her portal to escape. I'm delirious aren't I?

That's the last time I take Nina out when it's raining. Her well being trumps a perfect potty training regimen.

Time to Do More Sit Ups

I had a 1/12 slice of chocolate cake tonight equivalent to 530 calories. Oh mama!

(But it was worth it.)

Yet Another Failed State Institution

I found out that my aunt's husband has been having an affair. This is the second affair in our extended family. It makes me completely lose faith in the institution of marriage. I don't even want to entertain the thought of marriage if this is what it leads to...extramarital affairs...unhappiness, and messy divorces. Are human beings inclined to be monogamous for most of their lives? If so, then why so much cheating? I feel like being faithful is becoming something of an anomaly nowadays. Maybe being social creatures by habit, humans are not meant to exhibit monogamous tendencies. If man-made institutions were not in place to restrict our behavior, would we see many more explicit polygamous relationships?

I think it's totally possible to be committed to someone and not get married. The foundation of trust and devotion has to be there, and that's hard to achieve between two people. That's what so many marriages lack. People get married for the wrong reasons-- because they think they're in love, because they're impulsive, because they want someone to stay with them.

There's a recent New York Times article about civil unions in France that made me think about what it means to be committed to someone. Maybe civil unions are the way to go. You can reap the economic benefits that come with marriage, but it doesn't box you into a corner in case things don't work out in the long run. And then after a while, if you can picture spending the rest of your life with someone, marriage may be the ultimate step.
Civil Unions in France

Hibernation Continues

This just means every time I take Nina outside she's going to want to eat the worms lying around.

Just Saying

"When peace breaks out."
I've never quite understood that phrase. Doesn't it seem oxymoronic in a sense? Breaking out is something objects of chaos do. If peace was a person, he/she would probably...glide out.