The Most Valuable

I haven't blogged in a long time, but something happened tonight that compelled me to write an entry.

My friend's young cousin passed away. He was in his early 20s and battling cancer.

I didn't know him, but his tragic death made me think about how fleeting human life is. No matter what stage of our lives we are at, our existence and consciousness are vulnerable. They can be robbed of us in a matter of seconds. I wonder how my friend's cousin felt during the final days of his life. Was he angry? Was he scared? I know how I would feel. If life were something tangible, I would grip it with all my might and squeeze it so hard it may seem to become intertwined and undifferentiable between my essence and itself. I would be so afraid to lose consciousness, the ability to connect with my family, my friends, breathe air, see colors, hear sounds, taste food, have the energy to do everything I planned for myself in anticipation of what I believed was years and years of opportunity.

This event reminded me of all the Janet Liangs in the world. My heart rushed to tell everyone in my world I loved them, I appreciated them, I was grateful for them, I always wanted to protect them, and I cared more about their safety than anything else. Lest consciousness leave me before I had a chance to convey all of this to all my loved ones, I felt the utmost desperation to make sure everyone knew what I was thinking. Because no one knows what happens to you when you leave this world. No one can send a message for you, even if it is the most meaningful one in the universe. No one would ever know.

Let people know. Make people know.

I hope that the Janets in the world can have a precious extension on their time in this world, so that they may lead and teach others how to cherish their own lives. 

If you're reading this right now that message was intended for you. You should think about doing this: each day, dedicate time, even if only for a few minutes, doing something that you find genuine enjoyment and happiness from. I've told myself that I am going to start doing this. I will not squander this gift I consider the most valuable, because I don't know at what moment it will be taken from me.

YLOO

Resist the easy comforts of complacency, the specious glitter of materialism, the narcotic paralysis of self-satisfaction.  Be worthy of your advantages.

That about sums it up. One of the best commencement speeches I've seen in a while. A fresh reminder that I should go forth, in all my insignificance, and appreciate and be thankful every day that I wake up breathing air and have the opportunity to enjoy Paris for Paris, climb the mountain, and afford moments of self satisfaction.

Why Do You Want Kids?

Is it ok to not have a remote desire to have children? It's not like I'm thinking about this because I'm debating right now in my life whether or not I want to have kids. Lately it's been on my mind quite a bit, more on a philosophical level than anything. I have this acquaintance I went to grad school with who's on my Gchat, who besides is so left leaning she makes me look conservative, posts rants in her status about the immorality of having children. I don't necessarily think it's unethical or immoral. Having children, in my opinion, is a natural right to any living being. It's unethical and immoral when people who are unfit to be parents do have children and burden not only their children's lives, but society at large. This phenomenon of giving so little thought to having children caused me, in turn, to think about why that is. That is, why do people give so little thought to having children and so much credit to it being the next natural stage in life? Is it assumed at some point in your life, you will want to be a mother? A father? What if there are people who never feel that desire? Scratch the 'what if', there are people like that, as evidenced by the comments in this article. I guess the question should be, why is the choice to not have children stigmatized or seen as deviating from the norm? Is having children really the norm? I don't push people who give good reasons to want to have kids. Even having the genuine desire to be a mother, a father, is a good enough reason to me. But I don't think everyone does have that desire. Why aren't we more critical when we ask ourselves, why do I want kids? Do I really want to participate in parenthood? Do I really love children? Or am I doing it because it's the "natural", unquestionable next stage in my life?

I asked myself those questions. At this point in my life, I couldn't find a justifiable answer to that question. To me, I have to find an answer that is bigger than me. Bigger than simply wanting to make a child with my lover, or have my genes carried on. What is parenthood about? At its core, isn't it about selflessly providing for, nurturing, giving the utmost care and love to another life on this planet? There are plenty of existing ones to choose from. Lives, that is. A full, breathing life, whether by chance or regret or whatever else it was, was brought into this world and needing this love, nurture, and selflessness much more than a visage of a life that at this point, is characterized by a sperm and an egg in two people's bodies. Adoption.

This passage really spoke to me when I read it in aforementioned article.

"...no one ever said to me, "Thank you. Thank you for giving the biggest possible gift to the planet by not having a child—bigger than any other act— not owning a car or not flying." No one ever gives people without children any credit."

Hm. Maybe not having...is an ultimate act of selflessness. I sure do feel that way when I see a mom toting around a stroller and four toddlers, two of which are screaming and one is running around without their shoes on. That sounds arrogantly apoplectic, but I am unapologetic. I may sound utterly unlovable towards kids, but quite the contrary. I quite like kids. When I hold a baby, I feel this indescribable warmth in my heart that suddenly turns my body into a cocoon, a desire to protect that helpless thing I am carrying in my arms. So yes, I like kids. I just...haven't found a reason to want my own biological ones, neither on a hypothetical or fundamental level.

If I pass my "fertile" period as a female, aka 20-late 30s without having children, will I regret it? Though I haven't entirely passed through this period yet, I have to say, regret what? Regret not bringing another life into this world? Regret that there wouldn't be another little someone with a bit of me in it? I can't say I do...or would...

I can't say my perspective on this is definitive. Maybe one day, for whatever reason, my selfish desire to procreate will overcome my personal principle of not having children for the sake of having children. It would have to be a really stupendous, life altering reason...one that I have not an inkling of right now.

There's Suddenly This Lump in my Throat.

452 really doesn't sound so much when I think about seeing you.

Notice the Tagline?

Robots Are Singing

I just listened to Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper completely in autotune. Is nothing in music sacred anymore? And this is coming from someone who enjoys her fair share of EDM and bubblegum pop.

Updates...in List Format

1. Things Going on With my Body
I have been so tired this week for no apparent reason. It's times like these I wonder if there's something deeper going on with my body that I don't know about. I have a friend who kept taking long naps and always felt fatigued but she didn't know why, so one day she went to the doctor for a checkup and that's when she found out she had a Vitamin D deficiency. Hm. She wouldn't have known that if she hadn't gone to the doctor. So I wonder if I should do the same. Maybe I'll find a reason for why some weeks I'll be full of energy and other weeks I'll do things like fall asleep at my desk or take naps in my car simply because my eyes are too heavy to keep open. Going to the doctor is one of those things I know I should do, but don't get around to doing because it's not urgent. Like going to the dentist for a cavity fill. Or buying a dress because it's on sale and the sale ends tomorrow.

I tried an on-ramp (introductory) 4-day Crossfit course to see if "constant variation, functional movement, high intensity" exercises were for me. After 4 days, I would say...yes and no. I think the course taught me a lot of practical movements I can and should incorporate into my workout routine, but I can't see myself making Crossfit my primary exercise program. It doesn't give me the same high as a kickass yoga class gives me. To me, being able to lift 66% my weight is not as important as realizing my body is progressively moving toward being able to do a headstand because I've become stronger in and out. I think for me...Crossfit is missing that self-awareness, spiritual, self-loving element that makes me so addicted to yoga. I will say it is pretty fun watching a class of 20 people move around doing crazy sets to blood-pumping music though. Working out to Kaskade never looked so fun.

2. Things Going on With my Mind
I started subscribing to Motley Fool podcasts because I've been trying to learn more about smart investing. The other day I bought some stock for a health industry company and have since been following it closely. As a novice investor, I care very much about my 14 shares. It's especially exciting because it's been performing very well these past few days. Of course I still have so much to learn about investing, but I find it interesting and enjoy doing the research on my own. It gives me an opportunity to do more creative things with my money, as well as learn about what's happening to the economy on a macro level.

I'm dead set on my next blog entry being about a topic other than myself and my mundane life. I've noticed most of my recent entries are all about me, which in my case, is a sign of laziness. I only really make short blog entries about myself when I'm too tired to think about the larger, more interesting issues I have an opinion about. There's this list I've put on a Mac sticky note with topics I've wanted to get to, but haven't had a chance to really sit down and focus on it. At quick glance, they are:

• Prop 8
• Saving the world (?)
• Brazil vs. China
• Old people
• Why do people review chain stores on Yelp?
• Credit unions in Turkey as a response to the global financial crisis

Ok, this list is kind of old. It's like those places I bookmark on Yelp to review but never get around to...and then I forget what I wanted to say about the topic.

I made a new blog. LOLS. I know, ironic considering my previous point. It's like, I can barely maintain this blog, and I'm starting a new one?? But check it out, hopefully this one doesn't require the same level of maintenance. I don't anticipate that being the case. => http://onceadaykeepsthedoctoraway.blogspot.com/

It's St. Patrick's Day! I thought I would give an obligatory acknowledgement to one of the biggest holidays Americans unabashedly use as an excuse to get their draaaaaank on. Everyone who has Irish roots suddenly becomes a lot prouder of their heritage this time of year...