You'll Never Understand

They can always say, when you become a parent you'll understand. But I can't say, when you become a young Chinese-American adult growing up in the US you'll understand.

It makes me sad. You are such a difficult person to deal with, you know that? I hate it when you say things like you don't know why you gave birth to a daughter who is so selfish and disobedient. Why do you say things like that? Do you say it to hurt me? Do you say it because you are angry? How am I a selfish person? How am I selfish when the only reason I would consider staying in LA for work AND living at home is because I don't want you and Dad to age without me being there for you guys? How am I a disobedient daughter? I live at home. I have never done anything that I am ashamed of. I graduated from a good school and am trying to make something out of myself. I know I am not as smart as my sister, but I love you and Dad so much I always try to make you both proud.

I'm 25. I shouldn't be arguing with you over and over again like when I was 17 about doing the things I want to do. I hate that you try to control me. Don't control me! Don't tell me what to do. The more you try to rein me in, the more defiant I want to be, the more I want to rebel. You get upset that I don't tell you things that go on in my life, but I can't stand telling you things only to have you criticize what I am doing. I already have enough critics.

I can brush off mean things other people say because I don't give a shit about them. But when you say the horrible things you do to me, I never forget it, whether I am 15 or 25.

And I will never be able to tell you any of this because you will never want to listen to anything I have to say. You will never understand.